I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
