Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
