Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
