Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
