i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
