hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
