If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
