I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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