i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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