allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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