dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
