he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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