I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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