Are we in a gay sports bar?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
