these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
