i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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