Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
