I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
