I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
