How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
