Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
