is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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