I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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