There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
