It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
