Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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