i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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