I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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