1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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