This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
