im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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