just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
