Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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