if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
