I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize