You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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