Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
