Already got asked if we're dating
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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