I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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