she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
