I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
