That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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