I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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