I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
