i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
