i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
