I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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