She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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