somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
