He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
