I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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