I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
