break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
