Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
