I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
God gave him joint rollers for hands
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
