Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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