Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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