Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
