shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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