If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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