Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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