3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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