Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
