i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
