nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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