mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
