You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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