I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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