Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
