College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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