Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
