My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
