i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
