I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
