Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
People in love make me want to vomit
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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