My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
did i just pee glitter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
