I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
