I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
