my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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